What would you do if you failed?

This post is going to be specifically about my experience in nursing school, but really, you can apply it to many areas of your life!

It took me a lot of blood, sweat and tears to get into a nursing school in the NYC area. I had many nights where I felt completely hopeless, like I would never get in, admissions people telling me I wasn't good enough, or those who simply used numbers like my 5-year-old GPA as a way to disqualify me (after I paid my application fee, of course). I spent hundreds of dollars applying to nursing schools and I was extremely lucky (even today, I feel that way) to get into a program just a few miles outside of NYC in a suburban area that was easy for BF to commute from.

I thought once I got into nursing school, I wouldn't let anything hold me back. I thought getting in was the hardest part. Well, I was DEAD WRONG on that assumption. As were many of my classmates. When classes started, we were informed that a "passing grade" was a C+ and a "failing grade" was a C or below. This shocked me, as in my previous life, a C would have been perfectly fine to sail by on. In some of my classes, a passing grade was a 90 or higher. Wow, I thought, this is really different from anything I've ever known.

My school does not take "failing" grades lightly. Any time you get below a 77, you get the dreaded paper handed to you notifying you of an unsatisfactory grade. Lucky me, I only got the paper twice this semester, and I had to answer for it to my adviser. I've never felt so embarrassed (they hand them out in front of every one) or discouraged.

There were moments where I thought, "oh my god, I'm not going to pass Nursing I". I really did think these thoughts. At a turning point in my semester, I hunkered down and really hit the books and nearly memorized my textbook for my most difficult course, Nursing I, aka, Fundamentals of Nursing. I aced my last two exams, did very well on my written work and group projects, and barely squeaked by with a....B! I was shocked and so happy. Compared to my other grades (all A's), a B was a black mark on my record, but I was so happy to have managed a B. My good friend who had done better than me all semester, tanked her last two exams and ended up with a B-. I would have never guessed.

I also never would have guessed more than HALF of my friends in my program had FAILED Nursing I. Yep, they have failed, will not pass go, will not collect $200. Maybe two of them are going to repeat the whole course over again this Spring to try and pass it. The others are done with Nursing school and are not coming back. I am so crushed that this has happened to them, and shocked at the same time - the amount of money they lost, the amount they now have to spend to just attempt to move ahead...it is a scary realization that getting into nursing school was not the hard part....getting through nursing school is.

During the semester, everyone had moments of feeling like our experience was "so unfair". Many people said that because it is a private school and we pay a lot of money for the classes, they shouldn't be allowed to fail the students. Others (me, sometimes) believed Nursing I was a way for the school to weed out unacceptable students and make sure those that progressed were really worthy of becoming nurses. Still others thought the school was a scam and they were just taking everyone's money and failing students because they don't have enough room for all of us in Nursing II.

I honestly don't know how to feel about my friends failing Nursing I. I am horrified that they have lost their money and now have to try and repeat the class to be able to move on. It scares me that failing can happen to "anybody" and I have to make sure I stay on top of my game to successfully graduate from this program. It shows me just how much is on the line for me - I am using my "life savings" to pay for some of my schooling and taking out student loans on the other part. If you fail a class, there are no refunds, no forgiveness on your loans, you are responsible for that bill.

For the girls who are repeating Nursing I, I really respect their decision but also feel dread for them - this class was not easy the first time around and now to have to repeat it all over again, with the same difficult professor is going to be torture for them. The ones who have given up and dropped out of the program, I feel so disappointed that they have to give up their dream to become a nurse.

I don't know what I would do if I failed a class and had to repeat it. I guess it depends on how far along in my courses I was - the girls who are giving up after Nursing I aren't really that far into it to begin with. For me, I have given up everything to be here - my great job, amazing apartment, and put my life plans on hold to make this happen. I'm not going to give up on my dream easily. But the part that I have to make sure of is that I DON'T put myself into the same position by putting school first always. There were times during the semester where I got my caught up with working at the pool and coaching. Towards the end when I really put my nose to the grindstone, I didn't marry myself to coaching and working the way I was previously. Yes, the money is great, but $60 cash is not worth throwing away $4,000 on a single class!

I guess time will only tell what these girls who failed are going to do. I would support them either way and I wish them well on whatever journey they take on.